Another reason the single life sucks...

Dear Mom & Dad,

Thanks for reminding me of Reason #428 why it sucks to be single.  It sucks to be single because when something happens (like when an idiot friend tries to go all 'Dukes of Hazard' and slide across the hood of your nearly brand new Lexus...leaving behind a dent and several scratches) you don't have anyone to ask for help but your parents.  Said parents are then sure to make underhanded comments about what an inconvenience you are...which only serves as a reminder of your sad, pathetic life as a single adult.

I'm sorry that my loser status negatively impacts your RETIRED lifestyle.  I'm sorry that even though the two of you never go anywhere without each other, I'm still going to deprive you of one of your two cars for a whopping 2 days while mine is getting repaired.  I'm sorry that this is just another example of the times it would really come in handy for me to have a boyfriend or husband to go through life with and who could help out in situations like this so it wouldn't affect you.

Believe me, oh critical parents of mine, it's not for lack of searching/trying that I'm single.  If you'd really like for me to find someone I'm sure that I could go whore it up somewhere, get myself pregnant, and maybe land a baby daddy.  Wouldn't that be lovely?  Probably not.  So I'm single?  So what!?!  Maybe instead of always saying you're there when I need you, you could actually practice what you preach without the guilt trip hanging overhead.  That'd be great.

Sincerely,
Your Single Daughter with a Car in Need of Repair