An advance warning: this is a more personal post to help me work through some things myself, but insight/comments are always welcome so I decided to post publicly anyway. Here goes...
Lately I've found myself in a rather strange place emotionally. Ever since my last relationship fell apart with little to no explanation except that "long distance doesn't work," I've been struggling emotionally. And that struggle manifested itself in many different ways - not the least of which was in repeated hurtful tirades towards my mother. I'm embarrassed to say that it took me quite a while to see that the way I was behaving was not only hurtful, but also entirely uncalled for. Fortunately, a mother's love is one of the universe's most amazing things and I've come to be in a really good place with my mom again.
Why it took me so long to work through things, I'm not entirely sure. I place most of the "blame" on the fact that at about 1/3 of the way through my 29th year I'd thought I'd found "the one." And then about 1 1/2 years later things were over with him and I was left completely heartbroken. Wounds heal though, and despite the fact that I still think of him from time to time, I
have healed.
I've never been the girl to go from boyfriend to boyfriend, relationship to relationship. While I honestly believe I have a lot to offer, I've been less than lucky when it comes to love. More than once, someone has joked that I must lack the proper pheromones to attract a good man...and they might be right! Despite my limited, true relationships, I'd always thought that surely someday Mr. Right would come along. I'm not saying that I don't hope that'll happen someday, but I've also come to accept the fact that it's not guaranteed either. And I'm learning to live with that idea...
I have a lot to be thankful for: a family that loves me, good friends (even if they don't all live in my city), a good job, a roof over my head, and arguably the cutest dog in the world
(the picture was as a puppy...isn't she adorable?!?).
But I digress...I'm sure there are plenty of very happy, fulfilled individuals that made it through life without finding someone to share their life with, right? So that's what I'm trying to do. Instead of dwelling on the more than occasional bout of loneliness that comes from living alone with just a dog for company, I'm trying to focus on the good. I'm putting a smile on my face even if I don't always feel like it. I'm finding the friendship I'd lost with my mother. And I'm planning to LIVE life again! I have a passion for travel, but I kept telling myself that until I was with someone I wouldn't be able to indulge that passion. Well, screw that! This spring, there's a good chance I'll be heading to Italy and meeting up with a few old friends from high school. And while I'll be traveling there alone, when I meet up with old friends, I'll be reminded that a person isn't defined by the romantic relationship they have, but rather by the life they choose to live - their character and spirit that speaks to the world.
I promise to be more light-hearted next time, but thanks for reading! Here's to a revival of spirit!
