Why is it that reality rarely ever lives up to perceptions or expectations??? When you first meet someone, it's natural to fill in the things you don't yet know about them with bright, shiny ideas of what they must be like, of who they really are. Because of COURSE you would only be attracted to great people, right? Unfortunately, (at least in my personal experience) once you find out the truth about that person, it's usually not half as good as the idea you'd begun to form in your head. And once that reality begins to set in, where do you go from there? Do you compromise your own "must have" list to bend to the reality of the person in front of you or do you chalk it up to another life experience and continue your quest for that white whale that's surely out there somewhere?
Ultimately, I suppose the answers to those questions depend on what end game you had in mind. Was this someone that you wanted to stick around for a while or were you just enjoying the moment and taking things as they came? For me, in this case, it was the latter - I was simply having fun and enjoying someone's company with the knowledge that it was definitely not a long-term thing. Still, taking the shiny off has made me wonder whether I even want a summer fling. I can't go back and unlearn/unhear the things I've learned/heard, but do they really even matter in the case of a fling? I really don't know. I think they might. It doesn't matter how attractive (hot even) you are...if you're an asshole to other people (even if I'm not the one on the receiving end), that's a really ugly trait.
Why can't people just live up to my unattainable expectations??? :)
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People are strange.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to relationships, I think you've explained exactly the situation: Shiny(-ness)
There is an almost reflexive action that drives you to put all your good assets forward in a NatGeo-like show of prowess. We really are just animals.
In the case of a 'fling', it's really all about what you want out of it. If you get what you want, congrats! If not, well, that's too bad. Fling's are like the gambling of relationships.
I'm not really all that good at analyzing complex social interactions, the whole thing gets really heady and esoteric and well, awkward.
I think I'll end by saying: Good luck!
You're right...most everyone tries to put their best foot (assets) forward at the get go to lure in the opposite sex. Unless we're talking about that disaster date I went on a few months ago - you know the one I'm talking about - where the guy was hell bent on putting his WORST cards on the table first so he "got better every time I saw him." Of course I've never seen him again so who knows how good those cards got later. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're also right about flings; they really are the gambling of relationships/dating. My worry was that I wouldn't be able to not get attached even though I knew it was just a fling...but now that the shiny is all gone, there's absolutely no danger of that anymore...so do I continue the fling because I'm having fun and there aren't any other viable prospects at the moment?
Regardless, you better believe that I'll be cranking up my sparkling wit to lure in another (hopefully less jerky) guy whenever I'm out and about. Why are they so tough to find?!?
I guess the important thing is that if you're still getting what you want out of it, then by all means, continue.
ReplyDeleteIt's a shame to make it all business-like, but you really have to weigh your options and do what is best for you. If you like what you're doing, and it isn't hurting you or anyone else, then why not?
As far as finding the less jerky guys, you may not want to try the Patent-Pending (and probably not work safe -- use headphones!) "Human Call" (good god I spent way too much time extracting that audio...)
Also note: Some guys are, strangely, afraid of smart women. It makes them feel inferior. Doubly so if they're successful business-women. It's strange because I find that not being the bread-winner is totally awesome.
Laziness++
Yeah, I'm of no help...
BTW, midday chats with you always make me laugh (and reevaluate how sad my life really is). :) Thanks for helping to break up the day!
ReplyDeleteP.S. - I've heard the whole afraid/intimidated by smart women excuse before and I think it's absolutely ridiculous. I'm glad you're not one of *those* guys.
P.P.S. - can't wait to listen to that audio file when I get home!